In social situations I spend most of my time smiling at and listening to people. This isn't a facade but an accurate reflection of my inner psyche. While I get that most people are mainly interested in people most similar to themselves, I've always been interested in the full spectrum. In fact I'd generally rather hear from someone with very different experiences and views from my own. I recently read a brilliant blog by Ben Wilinofsky where he talks honestly about his struggle with depression.
I went through something similar when I was Ben's age but came out of it as one of the happiest people I know. I imagine my psyche as a well tended country estate where nothing major ever happens and things just tick along pleasantly at a sedate pace.
There remains one tiny part of my psyche that is the last survivor from my youthful depressions. I imagine this part, my inner cynic, as the disgruntled inhabitant of a box room in an obscure extension of my country estate. Most of the time, he's up there on his own muttering under his breath about the faux gentility of the rest of the estate but essentially bothering nobody. But every so often, something causes him to stick his head out and shout his tuppence worth.
At a recent live event, a guy I've known since I started in poker asked me how I was getting on this year poker wise. As I was about to answer he blurted out by way of explanation "cos I don't read blogs or Twitter or any of that shite". That was enough to get my inner cynic to open his door and shout "HE DOESN'T REALLY CARE. HE'S JUST MAKING CONVERSATION!" My inner cynic visits me so seldom these days that when he does I tend to pay attention. So I heeded his words and kept my answer to the question to 5 words or less.
I'm also going to heed my inner cynic and keep this blog entry short, as he's pretty convinced nobody's really interested.
Mainly, I just wanted to plug Ben's blog.